How a Chameleon Crawls

I surprised myself this morning, I got up at 7:30am!! I don't know what was going through my head but I just woke up at that time and didn't feel sleepy at all. Went to Wal-Mart, picked up some little stuff then went over to the grocery store and got food. I amaze myself sometimes how I got up so early.

Anyway, on to what I was gonna say before I tried to marvel you with my awesome accomplishment. Ever get that feeling that you don't want to be around anyone, just being isolated in a quiet corner to have time to yourself? I get that lots of times and I don't feel like stepping out of the house unless it was an emergency. I'd be told that I shut myself too much in "my room" and I piss people off for being a stubborn asswipe. And I'll say right off bat that I'm very shy and not very social. I worry about how people see me and what they think of me, and most of the time I think they're all bad. I know I'm weird and I know I look odd but come on. In my past I've always been teased about how I looked or the color of my skin (no this isn't about my race), and it irritates me. I can't really do anything about it like other people can because I don't have the same kind of skin they do. So I resort to sunless tanning lotions on occasions, and when I do I look like I've been playing in the mud and not that golden glow like everyone else does naturally. Almost looks gray and just plain ugly looking which pushes me away from doing that frequently. Heh, someone told me that maybe I'm using the wrong brand and it's a fucked up one. I dunno, but I'd like to try other stuff just to add color to my skin. Sure I could go outside with my tank top and shorts to expose to the sun, but I really don't feel comfortable with my bone white skin being stared at and get whispered about behind my back. Yes, I'm self concious and I worry how I look to people. If I can start with some color to skin in my own privacy and actually look decent then yea I'll go outside with shorts and tanktop to add onto the first initial color.